We can establish that Kirkenes is all ready for Christmas when it comes snow. Tiddelibom**
Visiting my mom, waking up without any alarms, watching the light change in the quiet morning hours. The world is still, but there’s coffee in the air.
Not sure why I feel like writing today or what I will write about.
I turned to my laptop instead of my phone, created this blank writing space without going online.
You’ve probably been there.
Mood P (for procrastination).
2018 was obviously a turbulent year. Not that I was a very active blogger, but those times I actually posted something… it wasn’t very a bright input, in any way.
I’ve been struggling with motivation, love, self esteem and blah, blah, blah.
I don’t really want to focus that much on the bad stuff, or manifest that negativity into written words. The fact that my sad musings are excruciatingly embarrassing for me to read now, is partly the reason for my change of course.
I find myself thinking increasingly about how my thoughts, all-consuming as they often feel, actually matter very little.
It’s like waiting for a phone call from a romantic interest. As your head fills with worry about being undesirable and vague speculations about whether the belated caller experienced an accident, the person in question might very well be sleeping.
Giving into negative thinking leads to unhappiness, while positive thoughts pave the way to self-delusion and disappointment.
So I’m trying to think as little as possible. Stopping my train of thought as soon as I realize I unintentionally boarded it, I instead decide to do something which brings me satisfaction.
Light and carefree, that’s how I would like 2019 to be.
It has everything to do with this blog. Enough of tragic words. I’m still as moody and conflicted as most people, but I really want to focus on something else. The plan is to count my blessings and give every one the appreciation they deserve.
Without thinking too much.
Maaan, I hate working evenings. It should be enjoyable. But it’s lonely, and I don’t get enough sleep. After finishing work around 11 PM, I spend hours watching Netflix, playing Sims 4 and (on good nights) reading books. Sometimes I annoy myself purple reading comment sections online, and I once found myself in a vertigo of belly dancing videos on Youtube.
Then I go to bed when other people get up, and hate life when I wake up in the afternoon, after slumbering my phone alarm for ever – not feeling rested.
I used to think I’m a B-person. Turns out I just love sleeping more than waking up early.
Tonight, I decided to have a walk under the midnight sun. The grey weather of the last weeks kind of made me forget the magic of living up north.
I enjoyed the bright night with my camera (Sony A7III), feeling kind of sneaky while photographing the houses in the neighborhood. If anyone saw me, they might have assumed I was planning a robbery. But all was quiet.
It seems I’m starting yet another post with complains about how I don’t update you often enough. I’m pretty sure nobody in the whole world cares about why you have not been getting any new content for a while. Which is why this post is dedicated specifically to you, my outdated online journal.
What’s the point of having a blog in 2018 anyways?
You were created to be the place where I could showcase my photography and write about the stuff that matter. Now, all half decent pics go to Instagram, while I write about the “important stuff” as I my job. Which makes me want to forget everything about the existence of “important stuff” when my shift is done.
Perhaps it’s time to realize that my days of blogging are over? I want to lock the box.
Yet it feels like I would also be locking up my window to the internet world, the one outside the feeds and echo chambers of the social media where the people I know post their amazing vacation life and puppies. It’s through WordPress (and some odd forums) I have chatted with random people all over the world, read their everyday stories and thoughts, and felt that I’m a part of a global internet community. It looks like Facebook groups are the right place to seek that feeling now.
So what now, blog. Is it over for us?
As I write it, I realize that the surest way for me to keep up with an activity must be to determine that “I’m never doing that again”.
Stop entertaining the dream that one day I’ll become a real blogger who shares her thoughts and images on an everyday basis, making people laugh and cry and understand what life is all about? Never! (So what if my mom (and maybe my ex) are my steadiest followers?)
Even if my sketchy dream above doesn’t come true, at least I’ll have a random collection of online memories to flip through on hangover days. So we’re not doing the farewell scene after all, blog.
In fact, I promise to never write the “Ops, it’s been a while…” speech again I will never work out ever again! No guilt! I will just not do it!!!
So I’ll jut go on rambling about nothing now and then, maybe share some photos from my last vacation some day. I bet you are looking forward to that!
– and maybe I’ll find a new blogger friend to exchange RAWs or do photo challenges with?
The promised vacation pic.
Traveling to a new place is always exciting, even more so when you’re arriving in the middle of the night with no one coming to pick you up.
Fortunately I’m not entirely on my own. I’m traveling with wonderful Caroline, my best friend and partner when it comes to exotic adventures. She is actually the main reason for why we are going to Kenya. Caroline is writing a master paper about how Kenya has prohibited plastic bags – while I just tag along. I’ve never been to Africa or seen a giraffe before, and I desperately needed a vacation. Deciding to join Carol was easy.
And this is how we came to be at Jomo Kenyatta Int. Airport at 02:00 AM.
(No photos from these moments, because I really didn’t feel like packing up my camera).
You can imagine we were somewhat stressed concerning how to get to Nairobi city. It turned out the the airport is prepared for travelers like us. In some 15 minutes we got ourselves Kenyan SIM cards, local money and a taxi to the apartment where we are staying for the next couple of days.
Check out all the elephants on the cash! I wonder what other money pictures they have over here!
I’m guessing this little story is about how you shouldn’t worry, especially when your sole reason for worrying is that you don’t know any better, or lack knowledge or experience.
Trust the world and the people in it – everything works out 😉
I think this is the first rainbow moment I’ve captured on cam!
You probably don’t see it, but it’s actually a double rainbow. Which came after some drifting around on a dysfunctional river boat in the rain, somewhere between the Norwegian-Finnish border.